“Easter combines the best of the present with the traditions of the past – like Cadbury cream eggs with hunting and gathering. ”
Melanie White
“Happy Easter everyone! Jesus dies, comes back from the dead — and we get chocolate eggs. It’s like turn-down service from God.”
Dennis Leary
The Easter Bunny ate all of the carrots we left for him. What a pig.
Steve Carell
Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
Garrison Keillor
My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
Amy Sedaris
I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had 3 eggs… but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.
Caroline Rhea
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
Adam Ferrara
Easter has been cancelled – they found the body.
Jim Butcher
Easter is not a passport to another world; it is a quality of perception for this one.
W.P. Lemon
There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate.
Linda Grayson
Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.
Clarence W. Hall
Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics.
Marvin Olasky
The only reason I still participate in Easter is that my family eggs me on.
– Melanie White
All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!
Lucy Van Pelt
Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas.
Jack Handy
Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.
– Melanie White
